Talking a walk in the woods, she realized that she left the cake baking in her hot oven.
"On no, my cake is going to get burnt. I need it for the party tonight."
She hurried and ran back home.
"Ahhh. My house got burnt down. What am I going to do?" she thought to her self. She found her house crumbled and black. Nothing was left but mail box. He home was a wooden house where nobody lived near. She had no place to go and her gusts were going to come within an hour. She was desperate and worried because the party was an important event in her live. The guests were her only two friends she had and it would be the last time having a party with them because they were going to move away. Cold and worried, she started to run around her burned house.
She started to yell, "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?"
Finally, she had decided to wait in front of the burned house.
"Look it is snowing. In stead of having a tea party with my friends, I guess we can have a snow fight."
She could not wait a second longer for her friends to come. But because she did not have a way to contact them she waited and waited.
"The sun is setting and my friends said they would be coming before the sun sets."
She had no choice but to wait. Cold and tiered she fell asleep. While she was sleeping, she had slept walked. It was one of her bad habits.
"Crack. Crack. Splash!"
She fell in the pond that was near her. Sadly she had froze to death.
Her friends never arrived and nobody was there to save her.
Sun Young
Wow..gulbi...I like your story, which has a quite unexpected and sad ending. One factor I liked about this story was that your ideas were really creative. I mean who would expect a death all of sudden when you talked about planning to do snow ball fights with your friends right before that? Also, I do not know who is the narrator of this story so nice! You succeeded in mastering the "steam of consciousness" writing skill. Also, because such unexpected and perhaps chaotic events were happening now and then in your story, I want to give a credit for that. :) The only bad part of your story was that you had some spelling mistakes now and then! :D
Eunice Jang
; o ; ... What a sad ending and poor woman!!! I love the fact that this story is such a Modernistic story. The story is random, sad, no meaning, and emphasize the importance of wealth. The character's emotion randomly changes, the woman sadly dies, but as her friends did not com, it was a meaningless death, and the woman was miserable due to the lost of her wealth. Your story contained many aspects that the Modern story needs. So I think you did a great job writing a Modernism story. But I thought that you could have write this story more like as if the story is portrayed in the point of the woman's view. You could have add her direct thoughts in the narration and more explanation related to her thoughts, in order to fulfill Ms. J's request of 3rd point of view narration but as if it is narrated by the main character. But except for this, the story is really interesting and great!!!
Sally - Haha. I love your story! The ending is such a twist. It's so modern. The ideas and everything else is really good and creative. I never thought there would be such a dramatic ending, her friends don't come either. But I noticed some grammatical errors throughout the paragraph. Other than that, I think the story is really original and the use of dialogue is good too except that it doesn't really seem like the narrator's thoughts. The dialogue actually sounds like just what is happening.
"On no, my cake is going to get burnt. I need it for the party tonight."
She hurried and ran back home.
"Ahhh. My house got burnt down. What am I going to do?" she thought to her self. She found her house crumbled and black. Nothing was left but mail box. He home was a wooden house where nobody lived near. She had no place to go and her gusts were going to come within an hour. She was desperate and worried because the party was an important event in her live. The guests were her only two friends she had and it would be the last time having a party with them because they were going to move away. Cold and worried, she started to run around her burned house.
She started to yell, "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?"
Finally, she had decided to wait in front of the burned house.
"Look it is snowing. In stead of having a tea party with my friends, I guess we can have a snow fight."
She could not wait a second longer for her friends to come. But because she did not have a way to contact them she waited and waited.
"The sun is setting and my friends said they would be coming before the sun sets."
She had no choice but to wait. Cold and tiered she fell asleep. While she was sleeping, she had slept walked. It was one of her bad habits.
"Crack. Crack. Splash!"
She fell in the pond that was near her. Sadly she had froze to death.
Her friends never arrived and nobody was there to save her.
Sun Young
Wow..gulbi...I like your story, which has a quite unexpected and sad ending. One factor I liked about this story was that your ideas were really creative. I mean who would expect a death all of sudden when you talked about planning to do snow ball fights with your friends right before that? Also, I do not know who is the narrator of this story so nice! You succeeded in mastering the "steam of consciousness" writing skill. Also, because such unexpected and perhaps chaotic events were happening now and then in your story, I want to give a credit for that. :) The only bad part of your story was that you had some spelling mistakes now and then! :D
Eunice Jang
; o ; ... What a sad ending and poor woman!!! I love the fact that this story is such a Modernistic story. The story is random, sad, no meaning, and emphasize the importance of wealth. The character's emotion randomly changes, the woman sadly dies, but as her friends did not com, it was a meaningless death, and the woman was miserable due to the lost of her wealth. Your story contained many aspects that the Modern story needs. So I think you did a great job writing a Modernism story. But I thought that you could have write this story more like as if the story is portrayed in the point of the woman's view. You could have add her direct thoughts in the narration and more explanation related to her thoughts, in order to fulfill Ms. J's request of 3rd point of view narration but as if it is narrated by the main character. But except for this, the story is really interesting and great!!!
Sally - Haha. I love your story! The ending is such a twist. It's so modern. The ideas and everything else is really good and creative. I never thought there would be such a dramatic ending, her friends don't come either. But I noticed some grammatical errors throughout the paragraph. Other than that, I think the story is really original and the use of dialogue is good too except that it doesn't really seem like the narrator's thoughts. The dialogue actually sounds like just what is happening.